well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize