Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
