Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
