We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
