my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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