I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
