i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
