I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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