my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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