Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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