I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
