this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
