i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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