the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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