Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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