it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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