He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
