this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I FOUND THE LEGS
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
