So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
