Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
