This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Houston, we have a squirter
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
