Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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