You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
