Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize