The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have feelings that need drinking.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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