I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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