you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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