she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
