I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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