I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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