It was confusing and full of hummus
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
