I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
