My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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