I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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