So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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