The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
