Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize