i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
