It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
