can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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