Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
