I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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