I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
