Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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