what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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