Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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