Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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