hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just had sex bonerless
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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