lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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