Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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