Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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