I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
