We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
