i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
