I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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