theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
