The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
