Define "chronic" masturbator.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
