ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
