Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sext me about skeletons
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize