please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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