guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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