Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize