She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
