And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
