Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize