we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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