My balls are so social today.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
