I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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