Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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