we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
