maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
