I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize