I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
