Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
