saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
a search helicopter?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
