$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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