I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
