in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
do herpes really smell.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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