you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
