So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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