i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
