It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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