I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
