Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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